A Bittersweet Goodbye

Well, we made it home. I didn't think it was possible to hurt any more than I already did, but yet sitting there in the room she was to share with Jack, with her picture in my hand, I couldn't shake the sadness or emptiness I felt. Our little baby was supposed to be in that back seat on that long trip home, staring and babbling to her big brother, Jack. It was supposed to be January, and we were supposed to have gone through weeks in the hospital to help her heal and live a normal life. It's not supposed to be October, the infant seat shouldn't be stashed away in the trunk, empty. This isn't happening. Why haven't I woken up from this nightmare yet?

So, saying goodbye to Baltimore was a relief, yet I yearn to be back there, waiting for that moment to arrive when we would welcome our little one into this world. I feel like I left a piece of her there, I abandoned the hope and promise that she was going to be alright, that she was going to come home and be a part of our family. The pain is unbearable, and I ask for your prayers that I may be relieved of it if even for a few moments.

My neighbors have been amazing. We came home to a stocked pantry and fridge, clean bathrooms and kitchen, vacuumed carpet, and pots of flowers in every room. We couldn't ask for a warmer welcome! Its details like these that make me realize how much I've taken friendships and community for granted. Hopefully, someday, I can pay it forward to another family in need.