For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope.
When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.
When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me with you, says the LORD ...
Someone posted this passage on a forum I am on, and although I have heard it a million times, it hit me more than ever this time. I need to tattoo this verse onto my hand, place it on my dashboard in the car, and write it in big fat letters on my refrigerator door to drill it into my head that I am taken care of. That God has a plan for me. Sometimes I feel like I am really making strides in my healing, but then something random will trigger a setback (or is it really a setback at all? Maybe it's just part of the process.). I have been really struggling with letting go of my desires for that perfect family. OK, my definition of a perfect family probably doesn't equal many people's. But for me, it means children. Lots of children that make lots of noise. Chaotic love. Sometimes I feel like I am failing Jack because I know how much he enjoys other kids. I imagine that great bond between siblings and worry that it will be a while before he ever gets to have that (if at all).
But then I scold myself because I know just how foolish I am. I have two beautiful children, even though only one is walking this earth with us. I have a wonderful husband who works hard so that I can stay at home. We have a roof over our head, food in our fridge, and a brand new swing set to boot, lol. (thanks Mom and Dad!) Yes, we have a cross to bear - losing a child isn't something that one ever really gets over. But many people aren't able to have children at all, and some families don't have enough money to put food on the table. Wow, do I have it good!
So, I offer up my grief and frustrations for those who struggle with infertility, for those who have lost children, those who are without employment or have trouble making ends meet, and those who are struggling to understand God's plans for them. Live for today and relax about tomorrow. He hears our cries and knows what's best for us.
Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
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September 2007
About Me
- Michele
- I am a SAHM to a sweet boy on earth and a beautiful girl in heaven. Hubby and I are devout Catholics who are learning to live each day with gratitude for all the blessings God has given us.
3 comments:
You sound like you're really making strides with your healing. I struggled with infertility for 3 years before having my children and while it doesn't compare to your loss, I was in mourning in many ways. Depression grabbed me for a long time and it was through God I took comfort. These are the times that either draw people away or bring them closer and you're being brought closer. With that knowledge I know you'll be where you want to be as soon as it's humanly possible. Hang in there!
I'm afraid that we're hitting an area where I have no real experience, but I do understand pain. Through my tough time, much as I HATED it, I came to realize that there was no set time where I had to be "over it". As Stephanie posted, knowing that God was there, even if he might not have been as tangible as a human being, brought me great comfort through the turmoil. It sounds to me as though you're finding the same thing.
Your concerns/cares/wondering all sound normal to me. I'm glad you've found a quote that tells you what it seems as though you already know. I really believe, strong in your faith as you are, that as time goes on, things will "fall into place"; so to speak, and you'll keep walking, just as you have been. And the strides will get easier. Don't forget that we're all here, too.
Still pulling for you!
Jennifer
That is such an awesome verse. Sometimes we forget that we are not in control and have to put all our faith in God and know that he will take care of us. Some people go through a tragedy in life and they loose touch with God and even their love for him that they once had, turns to hate.
With everything that you have gone through, you still stay strong in your faith.
Michele, you impress me so much with your ability to be such a strong witness for God.
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