Suffering

One of the many things I dwell on is whether or not Bernadette felt pain in the moments before her death. I remember when Jack was very young, and we were visiting John Mark's parents. He was asleep on the bed upstairs, and as the rest of us were eating breakfast in the kitchen, I faintly heard his cries of terror. I ran up the stairs and found him on the floor, screaming in fear. I remember feeling so helpless and horrified that I allowed him to fall off the bed. There's nothing like watching your child get hurt or fall ill. So, I think about that day in October and wonder what it was like for her. Did she die in her sleep? What if those last kicks I felt before I left for my ultrasound were of her struggling? (Sorry, I know these images aren't exactly pretty, but I'm trying to be honest about the futile battles I experience in my mind.) Anyway, something I've come to realize is that the past is just that - the past. Regardless of whether she felt pain, she certainly isn't feeling it now. I need to transform my image of her death into what it truly is - a new life, an eternity in heaven. If only I could accept the fact that she's better off there, instead of in my arms. I imagine it's nearly impossible for any mother to accept that.

On a completely separate note, I wanted to ask you all to pray for a woman named Tricia who I found out about from a forum I frequent. She has Cystic Fibrosis and was preparing for a lung transplant when she discovered she was pregnant. She is currently 24 wks along, so the transplant has been postponed until the baby is delivered. Please pray for the physicians who have to help decide how long to go before performing a C-section. The longer they wait, the better chances the baby has of surviving. But the longer they wait, the greater the risk for Tricia. Her husband's blog is: CFHusband.Blogspot.Com

Edited to add: Tricia's website is http://65roses4pattysue.com/